As beams of green laser light illuminate the thick, white smoke rising around your body, don the polarized Von Zipper Elmore Wildlife Sunglasses, and top-rock out into a techno-fueled dance frenzy. Behind distortion-correcting and impact-resistant polycarbonate lenses, your eyes stay safely shielded from the flying vials of psychotropic substances sailing over the crowd. Even if you catch a little bit of dimension-altering fluid in your eyes, you'll still scope the club glare-free thanks to the polarized lens coating. Find some open dance floor, stuff these flat-face, throwback-style shades in your breast pocket, and school all the break-fakers with the one-handed-windmill-to-handspring you learned from online forums ... classic.

Proposition 65 Warning for California Consumers: This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and/or birth defects or other reproductive harm.