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Jon Atencio
Biker // Telemark Skier // Alpine Skier // Mountain Biker // AT Skier
Jon Atencio:
#2,253
of 174,379
13 Reviews:
Helpful?
15 Yes
1 Questions:
Helpful?
0 Yes
2 Answers:
Helpful?
0 Yes
3 Photos:
Helpful?
2 Yes
1 Videos:
Helpful?
0 Yes
1 Comments:
Helpful?
0 Yes
1 Wishlists:
Helpful?
0 Yes
0 Field Tests:
Helpful?
0 Yes
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Stomping Grounds:
Salt Lake City, Utah -
Bio:
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
Rankings 
- #7 of 609 - Guys' Sandals
- #44 of 1,604 - Water Bottles
- #117 of 171 - Nutrition & Body Care
- #140 of 1,552 - Winter Accessories
- #194 of 474 - Flatware and Utensils
- #238 of 1,206 - All Mountain Skis
- #273 of 729 - Men's Flip Flops
- #277 of 886 - Altimeters
- #395 of 443 - Food
- #399 of 1,265 - Snowboards
- #413 of 1,797 - Summer Accessories
- #414 of 685 - Men's T-Shirts
- #424 of 717 - 55 to 30 Degree Down Bags
- #515 of 718 - Alpine Touring
- #516 of 1,865 - Snowboard Accessories
- #544 of 4,397 - Men's Footwear
- #567 of 1,015 - Men's Accessories
- #683 of 1,290 - Telemark Skis and Alpine Touring Skis
- #746 of 1,339 - Trail Running Accessories
- #750 of 1,012 - Kayak Accessories
- #751 of 1,014 - Men's T-Shirts - Short-Sleeve
- #832 of 1,867 - Alpine Fat Skis
- #959 of 1,688 - Cookware
- #1,100 of 1,347 - Sleeping Bags
- #1,306 of 1,397 - Backcountry Snowboarding
- #1,484 of 3,220 - Men's Ski Jackets
- #2,089 of 4,990 - Alpine Skiing
- #2,277 of 4,787 - Men's Fleece Jackets
- #2,726 of 3,223 - Men's Technical Shells
- #2,982 of 4,652 - Men's Down Jackets
- #3,465 of 5,973 - Guys' Outerwear
- #3,684 of 4,202 - Men's Shirts
- #4,605 of 6,937 - Men's Jackets
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Change me.
This is how you compare to the other Gear Gurus within a group of products. You earn one point for each of your list / reviews / questions / answers / photos / comments / votes. You gain an extra point every time someone gives one of your contributions a thumbs up (killer), but you lose a point for every thumbs down (filler). Bonus: if you use your real name, your point total increases by 1.5x-you deserve credit for putting your neck on the line to make this community better. For more info, check out the Help Center.
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