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Jon Atencio

Jon Atencio

Salt Lake City, Utah

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Jon's Passions

Alpine Touring
Telemark Skiing
Mountain Biking
Alpine Skiing

Jon's Bio

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

Jon Atencio

Jon Atencio wrote a review of on November 7, 2011

4 5

This is a great bottle to have around the house or office- it is really nice to drink from glass, the taste is much better then drinking from a plastic container. It's pretty bomber as well, just for kicks I through it in the air to see if it would break. It held up nicely. I am very happy with it.

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Jon Atencio

Jon Atencio wrote a review of on February 4, 2011

5 5

Surefire makes the most amazing ultra compact flashlights- I had a couple of buddies that had some of them on a camping trip, I was amazed at how these tiny flashlights would light up the whole hillside. I had to have one. They are a bit pricey- but truly worth every penny. Hands down one of the best camping investments I have ever made.

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Jon Atencio

Jon Atencio wrote a review of on October 30, 2009

5 5

These are great skis, and kill it in the powder, soft snow, and corn. They are surprisingly resilient, in less than primo snow conditions. The skis hold a great edge, and are super stable when you want to open em up and let em run. For a 108 waisted twin, these babies are super fun and a great all around ski.

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Jon Atencio

Jon Atencio wrote a review of on November 21, 2008

5 5

I am sure that we've all thought the same thing for the past 15 or so years of our lives where we struggle to eat Powerbars, Clif bars,,,and other nasty bars. If you are like me, you wait till you are about to bonk to eat one because they just plain and simply are not good. Probar has done it right, producing a product that 1) I actually look forward to eating and 2) does what it is suppose to do gives you the energy you need, when you need it. They are on the expensive side, but IMHO we'll worth the extra coin.

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