TNF XCR: Game over!
To my astonishment, putting these shoes on and starting to lace them up made the sky rumble and clouds part. I thought nothing of it until I was done. I stood up, fully shoe-thed, which must have summoned a blinding beam of light from heaven that focused on me filling my body with limitless power. It was tingly, I liked it. Then an epiphany struck. It's the shoes! They are that bad-ass. Strong as boulders, light and water-proof as if I strapped two otters to my feet! Sexy little otters.
Now, in the future, I tear ass all over the woods. It's definitely more like tearing ass than running because with these shoes it's more like fifty foot double jumps smashing through trees and camp cottages. Those campers looked pissed. One things for sure, I'm out there kicking bikers and wildlife with nary a care in the world. God bless you shoes.