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Gear Review

4 5

Chuck Norris wants you to get these shorts

Finally! Somebody made shorts with hard armor in all the right places. Too many other shorts have left my hips wide open to injury because the upper and lower pads were poorly padded and placed. I don't know what the gripe is with people being bothered by the tail bone section. It doesn't get in the way at all as long you aren't sagging these like an eager to get owned wangster street rat. Maybe if you're sitting perfectly perpendicular to the ground you'll get some discomfort, but if you're actually wearing these, chances are you'll be leaning forward in an aggressive stance. The mesh and thong like construction of materials is perfect and allows me to go freebird on hotter days. Be warned however, the material is so light and stretchy that after a while the crotch will slide back and forth with your legs as you pedal. If you've ever watched those cartoons with the little guy being chewed alive by the big monster and you can see the inside of the mouth as he's being chewed up.... well that what will happen to your junk if you pull these up too high. Get some chamois butter to help out. The elastic band on the bottom of the legs are really really tight, but they should stretch out over time. If they don't I'll be tempted to cut them open and sow in an extra inch of material, because after about five hours of wear your thighs will be begging for mercy. Also don't let anybody see you wearing these in the open, cuz that bright red star on the tailbone section is screaming, "I'm a piece of meat check out my ass!" Seriously Alpine Star, you're over doing it with the logos. No bad ass biker wants to be seen with a flashy bright red star on his ass, because that is definitely not cool. As I'm typing this, I've procured a sheet of sand paper to sand it out. If you want protection, nothing is better than hard armor. Bulky foam isn't going to save your ass from the corner of a rock or rail, only hard armor has what it takes to properly disperse the blow, and these shorts dish it out in spades.

Responded on

btw, I'm a 32 waist, and according to the size chart I need a Medium. I have the mediums but they are just ALMOST too tight to wear. I'm a skinny guy, so any other dude or gal with my waist size who has normal to muscular legs will probably benefit from getting the Large size instead.

Responded on

OBEY Chuck!